|Friday, August 8th, 2014|
It has been a REALLY long time since I have written in here. Like, seriously. Frankly, I was surprised I remembered my password and login for this site at all. But I did and here I am. Having a real, physical journal might be useful in the future for me because there are things that I'd rather not put out there into cyberspace but that I really need to get off of my chest. Unfortunately for me I have made this all public and also use this for family and friends (though I doubt anyone keeps up with it anymore)
So I am in America again for about a week and a half. I've been here for the past 5 months or so looking for jobs both here in the States and back in Korea. I decided on going to graduate school in Korea at Korea University for a masters degree in International Studies. I was pretty sure I was going to get accepted to the program, but I wasn't sure if that was the best choice or what but it is what I am doing now.
This spring/summer has been very ...confusing and stressful for me... My family has been having several health related problems- me included- so this whole time back at home has been rather depressing and scary. The thought of my parents being weak was a very disturbing thought for me and really made me think of how delicate life can be.
I am not sure if it was good in the end or not but I also started going to a Korean Meetup group to keep myself occupied and to practice my Korean language skills. On the plus side I have made several friends and have met many people. I was also able to study the language which was great. On the down side I met nuguka who was much too confusing and somewhat of a nappun namja innikka I was confused. Maumi mani appayo. Odeokeyo? At times I felt like I was doing the same stupid things as before and then other times I felt like I was right in my actions. I guess it all depends on what happiness is and what is truly right and wrong. I will continue to live my life with the thoughts of Ichigo Ichie.... Even with that though I know that what I had could never be full realized so I should let it go so it doesn't drag me down into something worse. Admittedly, I felt guilty and bad for wanting something more than what I should have had but I tried my best to be a good person in the end. I really feel that despite all of my shortcomings that the only thing that I really want to be is a good person at heart. Try my best to be a person that I would want to be with and to show to the world.
I think that if things go wrong then it is something I need to deal with and confront head on. I will just pray and seek guidance from above to help me with the things that I will never be able to say.
I simply wish for life to work itself out in a positive way. I pray for my family's health and safety as well as my own. Please let things be resolved. inochi ga migikai node.... tasukete kudasai~
Mayotte shimaimashita. Save me.... towa juseyo~
|Friday, March 1st, 2013|
I am guessing that no one ever looks at this thing. My friends no longer post. I hardly ever. But I really needed to get some stuff off of my chest so here goes nothing...
In an hour and a half I will be leaving for Korea again. I booked a super early flight (uggg....) and pretty much have no time to sleep. I am all packed and everything but I guess I just wanted to stay up and remember the last few hours of my time in America. I can say that in the past I was fairly excited to go abroad and there is a part of me that is excited to see my boyfriend, friends, and previous students. At the same time, though, being back in America has reminded me of how it is to be home. There was the reverse culture shock at first but after being here for 6 months (long for me) I think that it will be hard to adjust again.
Although I do enjoy being in Korea I think that this lifestyle that I have choosen for myself certainly has its drawbacks. There is always a bit of sadness when I leave and no matter what i do I will either be missing my family or be missing my boyfriend/future. Many friends/aquaintances of mine have had international relationships....many have gotten married even. It is an interesting dynamic, the melding of two different cultures. But at the same time I figure they have got to have the same feelings I have sometimes. That feeling of sadness, excitement, longing, worry..... I have to keep reminding myself that this is just a one year endeavor....at least this time.
Here's to a wonderful new year filled with happiness and joy. Let it be a year of change and success for all~
|Friday, January 11th, 2013|
So yeah. I had actually created a new blog that I would use to blog about living and working in Korea (like a million other blogs) but I cannot remember for the life of me what the damn password and username is. Ugggg.... I can make a new blog because I remember my stuff from youtube/blogger/google whatever it is.... but not the one I already wrote in. >.<;
So I suppose I will just write about what I am feeling right now (although I am pretty sure no one reads this thing)
So i am in my job hunt right now for a job in Korea. Unfortunately for me this year GEPIK cut the public school jobs out completely. Now, there are a few schools who choose to spend their budget on a native teacher but they are only hiring the teachers that are in Korea right now (to save on airplane costs and to have face-to-face interviews) Now, I totally understand their thinking. I just feel crappy because that means I have a very, very small chance of getting a job in the public school system. I have had one interview with an elementary school but it seems to be in limbo right now because my recruiter hasn't said a word to me. Even though it seems pretty bad I am using several recruiters on the off chance that one of them will be able to score a job in a public school for me.
I don't know what to feel or think. Should I keep waiting it out? SHould I try to find a job here? Should I go to a private school? SHould I try for public schools that are farther from my ideal location? I don't know anymore. Current Mood: confused
|Tuesday, October 30th, 2012|
I haven't updated this thing in a LONG time. I think that blogging just isn't in me. I am thinking of switching over to another blogging site to talk more about my life and the future etc....not sure though. No one really seems to read this thing anyway so I feel like I am just talking to myself haha.
I've been thinking about a lot of things recently. THere is the job thing that I should settle ASAP...I did mangage to get something part time for the moment just to have some extra cash but I haven't figured out the job next year yet. The paperwork is crazy annoying and most places aren't hiring just yet for public school jobs next year.
On top of the job thing there is also the personal feelings thing. Being back in San Antonio makes me feel sort of funny in a way. I miss living in Korea and just the feeling it gave me but I also enjoy being with my family too. It brings me back to my original dilemma of what kind of life I ultimately want. Unfortunatly, I don't think that I can compromise on this. It is kind of one or the other. Each life has its good points and bad points and I just don't know which way to go. Looking back on my past decisions makes me see what can happen. I don't really regret it but I do wonder what life would be like now if I had changed something back then.
There are so many small things that can happen each day that seem to have a lot of power. More power than I thought. If I had acted this way . If I hadn't gone down this street. If I had said yes instead of no.... I would like to think that something is guiding me the way I should be going...like God or something. A kind of fate mixed with free will. I hope that it gets clearer for me soon. I keep having awful dreams and terrible stress. Meh. Hope it gets better soon! Current Mood: sad
|Tuesday, March 13th, 2012|
I'm begining to think that livejournal is going out of fashion or something....my friends never update! sigh. I don't either so there's that. I was going to write about my awesome trip to Hong Kong (before I forgot) but a lot of other things are running through my mind right now so that will just have to wait.
I saw that one of my favorite Taiwan actors is going to be in a new drama....he is the actor that reminds me of my longest anime crush, Tasuki (i have never forgotten him haha) Well, if him (jiro Wang) and Ikuta Toma merged together then it would become Tasuki....sigh... Tasuki.
ANyway, Jiro will be in the Taiwan adaption of Absolute Boyfriend which is basically where some lonely girl orders a love robot and they learn to love ...each other?....Jiro is the robot who is often without a shirt. This drama was always strange because the thought of some girl falling in love with a robot was always a little creepy. I might watch it just to see a shirtless Jiro haha. The girl in it will be a Korean girl...ug. one that I really dislike acting wise and I am not even that picky!! >.<;;;; Shirtless Jiro....silly girl who can't act.... Current Mood: busy
|Thursday, October 20th, 2011|
...hurts so much. I imagine it is from a lack of sleep but it could be anything I suppose. I have been having a lot of problems with my apartment and things just keep getting more and more complicated. @_@ Last night I didn't sleep very much (if you dont count my 3 hour nap haha) and the night before that I didnt sleep well either (because my pipe suddenly broke and my apartment flooded) But I guess, all in all, things are okay. I love the weekends and my job is going okay. I will hopefully finish my part time job (which is killing me slowly) this month but I think I might have another part time job starting next month. I don't know if it is the best thing to do seeing as I rather dislike my current part time job since i have no life at the moment. At least this new job has fewer hours, betters days, and more pay. Just two days a week but longer class time. I was working 4 days a week, three hours a day so i figure that is way better. If I dont get the job then I don't care and if I do get the job....well, extra money won't hurt.
I just want the weekend to come already!! I want a napppppppppppppppp~!!! Current Mood: cranky
|Friday, September 30th, 2011|
I go through phases with the internet. I have my weeks where I just read a ton of fanfiction about books or TV shows I hardly read or watch (like Harry Potter!) There are other weeks that I am crazy about dramas...somtimes watching half of the series in one night even though I have to work the next day. THose are my usual habits with the internet but when I moved I found out that I didnt have any internet anymore....and that sucks. A lot. I sort of went crazy and started to play solitare all the time...trying to increase my 7% win average....out of like...100 games.
Then the other day I got the internet again and have become obsessed with Korean blogs. I read a ton before I first came to Korea and I just got back into it again. Most of the old blogs I read have changed and most of the people have moved out of Korea. I wish that my blog were more like those blogs....funny or interesting...or at least helpful in some way. I never made a Korean blog because there are already soo many blogs out there. It would be vaugely interesting to have people follow my work and read about my life....but yeah. I dont think that is happening.
Not much is going on...I just work all the time.... I am so tired right now from working two jobs that I am daydreaming about sleeping all the time. sleep..... Current Mood: tired
|Wednesday, September 21st, 2011|
I forgot what I have said before....but I am pretty sure I didnt decribe my move. I had to move recently because my contract was up and my landlord wanted to live in my house. WHich was weird. It was quite annoying and I really didnt want to move but I had no choice. I packed everything up (and realized how messy i really am haha) and moved to a new place. It is near my old house but it is not exactly the same kind of place.
THe size is similar and the rent is the same (with a discount) but there are some pretty bad points like...there is no window, it is freaking hot all the time, it is very dusty, it is located hear motels... etc.
And there are good things like...it is warm all the time so I wont be cold in winter, it is newly remodeled (that is why it is dusty), it is near the bus stop, and it is very clean(besides the dust).
Other bad things
strange people live there (maybe)
I have a poopy water heater (they just installed it)
I still have no boiler (to heat my house in winter)
there isn't a lot of storage for anythying...so i still have a new boxes of stuff around
THere is no door on the bathroom...yeah. so people can see you when you pee when they walk in the front door..
|Monday, September 5th, 2011|
I should be working or something but I realized that I had totally forgotten about this thing for a long time. THe last entry was when I was still in San Antonio which seems pretty damn forver ago. A lot has happened which caused me a ton of grief and confusion. Let's just say it had to do with life and money and happiness.... something along those lines so it was pretty bad for a while. I know that I will be okay but I wish my life were easier.
So, in the end, I am working another part time job to earn some money. The teaching part is not that bad or difficult but it is a bit far and out of my way. The pay is okay but not good. I was doing it for a student of mine as a favor as well as getting a bit of money too but it is really really tiring. I thought that if i just made it through the month (the agreed time) then I would be okay...I could go back to taking my naps and being a lazy bum but something happened. I am too weak to say no so now I am working another month of extra money but living in another month of constant sleepiness(really...constant...).
It did make me realize that I have an easy job. Very low stress. So theres that.
To add to my stress is the fact that I am moving this friday. Sigh. THat is something else all together which just came up suddenly and kicked me while I was down.
Sigh. Better get back to work~ Current Mood: sleepy
|Saturday, July 30th, 2011|
|here we go again~
So, I am back home for the moment (very few moments,acutally, since I leave in less than three hours) I have decided to teach in Korea for at least one more year. This past year has been good to me and even though I had my bad times, stress, and whatever else, I got through it all and came back home for two weeks.
Yeah. Just two weeks. I know some people just stay in Korea for a couple years straight, but I don't think I could do that. I would have prefered a month or at least three weeks but I tried to do what I could in a short period of time. I saw my family, my friends, and I got to do a few things I wanted (like eat a lot of food haha)
My neice was just starting to like me...for a while there she pretty much hated me. Like she would look at me and then start to cry. ;_; But the very last day she really seemed to have a good time with me....sigh. That is just the way it goes, huh? My family seemed to be happy to see me...I feel quite bad about everything....being away for years on end and not being there for them. It worries me to think about the bad things that will happen in the future for them. I know my parents are not the healthiest people and I worry for my other family members, too. My cat has already died which really made me sad and that is small in comparison to what could happen.
But overall I am happy that I came back for a while. I got to talk to old friends and see them before they leave SA. I got to talk to my family and see my neice..even if it was for a short time. Now I am going to leave again for a year. I think I will have to come back for a longer time next year... ^^ We'll see.
I'm sending out my love to the world~! I will miss you! Current Mood: awake
|Saturday, June 18th, 2011|
I don't know why but I decided to do one of those celebrity look alike things...I guess I have always really wondered which celebrity I looked like ever since one of my former classmates said I looked like GoGo from Kill Bill... Someone said that i also looked like the girl who gets kidnapped in Rush Hour....two people said that. Weird huh?
So I did this search and they told me I looked like a random assortment of asian stars...chinese, japanese, korean...which I suppose are closer than nothing but really...nobody really looks like me ...sigh. What i thought was interesting was that it also said i looked like a young Leonardo DiCaprio, James Blunt, Oprah Winfry....yeah...that makes me feel better about myself >.<;;
THe top choice was...
Katie Leung ...the girl who plays Cho Chang in the Harry Potter films... yeah... it was an 85% match.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Katie_Leung
I don't think I really agree but it sure is better than Leonardo..that's all I'm saying... Current Mood: confused
|Tuesday, April 26th, 2011|
Time has been slowing down for a bit. I am not sure if this is like the hump in the year contract thing coming a bit late or what but I am certainly feeling it now. On the postive side I feel like I am making more friends...or at lease I have more people that I can talk to. These past fews weeks I have hung out with a few friends so that feels a bit better. I saw my Korean friend last week. I have been hanging out with one of my students(who is actually near my age) every once in a while. I am going to have lunch with the Korean Teacher tomorrow. And I ate lunch with a TON of people from church (which still feels akward but whatevs) Leo and I have been good. Better than before but he is very busy so I hardly see him anymore. I still excersise at the gym but I dont know for how long since my contract will end mext week. (i have been excersing for three months, every weekday for 1.5-2 hours each day and I havent lost a single pound-except for the time I was very sick.....sigh) We'll see what comes of that.
In other news, I have finally won something in the Korean crane machine!!!! WOOOOOHOOOOO...yes, it is silly but I really do love those things. I won a stuffed toast plushie with a cute face on it. SO DURN CUTE....yeah. AAnd then suddenly I got two more things the next week after nearly two years of trying. Korean crane machines pick a lot of stuff up but they intentially drop them next to the drop chute. Damn them. There is some percentage of how often they hold the toy till the end so you have to play a lot to get stuff usually.
there is a lot of weird stuff in those machines....
things i have seen in crane machines
stuffed toys (of course)
snacks (peanuts, chips, candy, gum...)
usb (a cute hello kitty one!)
headphones and other electronics
watches (and lots of ugly jewlery
ugly metal figures (of motorcyles usually)
Korean KY jelly (seriously...) Current Mood: blah
|Thursday, April 14th, 2011|
I was sending off some mail when I saw some lovely yellow flowers lining the sidewalk (apparently golden bell tree) so I decided to take some pictures of it. I was trying to take a picture of myself and the flowers when some random Korean dude starts asking me some questions. It was all in Korean so I am not sure of the exact translation but it was stuff like....'i saw you taking pictures of the flowers and i decided to come talk to you. I want to make a friend. Where do you live? Can I have your number' I have never had something like this happen before. People never talk to me randomly, especially in Korea, so I was kinda freaked out. I said i didnt have my phone and you an find me on Facebook if you want. I avoided any other talking (he suggested walking with me to wherever i was going) and I sort of ran away.
Meeting random people makes me think of a Korean serial killer movie. The guy is so cute and unassuming that when the police catch him in the beginning of the movie and he admits he killed a bunch of prostitutes they let him go...THey ask him what he did with those girls and he said something like...'giggle.. I killed them....giggle giggle...."
Yeah, i dont wanna meet random people any more.
THe movie was good i guess and the killing sometimes made me..laugh? at the dialog. After he realizes a lady at the convenience store is in the way (she said that some crazy girl came to her store and told her that there was a serial killer on the lose...which is him btw) he asks her if she has a gun...to which she says no and says 'but i have this baseball bat' she goes on to say 'yes, i feel so much safer with you there...standing in the doorway looking tough and scary....closing the blinds....and...'
Yeah. she dies.
I think i should keep away from that stuff.... scary.... Current Mood: mellow
|Sunday, April 10th, 2011|
i totally forgot my age. seriously.
in my defense, the korean age system messed it up for me. I know sometimes you have to add two, sometimes one... so I dont know what to think anymore @_@ (and doing that math stuff takes too much time haha)
I think 23 was a good age. I think I will stay with that for a few years....
|Tuesday, March 29th, 2011|
I really wish i could be like those people who blog and are actually interesting. Or at least helpful. But i dont really know what to say that would be interesting/useful that other people haven't already talked about. My life is rather simple at the moment which I do enjoy throughly but it is also rather boring. I do suppose I could acutally blog about my life...like what happens or whatever...but ,seriously, it is pretty much the same from day to day. I was writing a Korean journal every other day or so in order to keep up with my Korean skills somewhat but I sort of gave up on it when I realized everyday was the same.
Maybe i could post my korean journal on here...though few would be able to read it....or care for that matter.... It would also take me years to type it up since I am the slowest Korean typist on the face of the planet. >.<;;
I do enjoy other people's blogs. It just makes me think...'yeah, I've seen that too.' and 'i wish i could write about that stuff and be interesting' I think part of it is that I dont know that much about Korean pop culture. Sure, I have know way more than i did before but I was never really into Korean culture before coming here so I am more of a person who just knows a bunch of popular stuff without really liking it much. Particularly the music which sounds rather similar and involves a ton of sexy girls/guys dancing weirdo stylized dance moves created by record companies to promote bad dancing in norebang.
Ah well. I think i will try to do the Korean journal next time. I only have 30 minutes before class....
|Monday, March 21st, 2011|
|life and such...
I don't know why but i feel really funny today. Maybe it is because it's Monday or maybe it's just because it is a weird in between spring feeling plus the fact that i am freaking tired(as always). SO yeah. I tried to do some stuff for class but I dont feel as up to it today.
I have to do my taxes. Yeah. It is freaking late. I know. I have already done them so it is just a matter of getting to the post office (the real problem) My plans are to get them out by tommorrow on my way home from work. I dont think I will have a problem with the IRS though...I hardly make any money whatsoever. so yeah.
I was reading some blog about Korea the other night and was more than suprised to hear that women in Korea have a much higher percentage of c sections than other countries. (which I knew) What i didnt know was that weomen purposely sceduled thier c sections so they coincide with national holidays/three day weekends....
Because they are expected to go back to work as soon as possible. And because thier company policies suck for pregnant women (except for women in public schools...or so i heard)
>.<;;; Seriously? This is probably why they have the lowest birth rate in the world. Current Mood: blah
|Wednesday, February 16th, 2011|
I know I havent written in this thing in forever so I decided to try and give an update about my life in Korea. But now that i am here I dont have anything to say haha. ^^;; One would think that I would have a ton of stuff, seeing as i live in Korea and all but it is really just a normal life. During winter there is not a lot to do (or at least that i am willing to do) because it is freaking freezing here. So that means I watch a lot of Psych DVDs and read. I have also gotten in the habit of excersing since I joined a gym a week ago which has made me feel a bit better about myself. Here's hoping I get healthy for the spring/summertime.
My week vacation was awesome (full of fanfiction and dramas) but I came back this Monday and I feel so out of it. I love my students but there are a lot of things that complicate my work life so I dont really like teaching much anymore....ah well. I will keep trying and hope things look up soon. At least I only have 6 more months of this haha.
Korea itself is pretty amazing. I love learning more about the culture from my students in class. We just had a major Korean holiday (lunar new years) so it was pretty fun/difficult trying to translate Korean tradtions into English. Some things just do not translate well. I really hope to explore Korea more when the weather gets warmer (in march?!?!?) so maybe then my stories will be more entertaining.
^^v Current Mood: determined
|Tuesday, January 18th, 2011|
I continue to forget about blogging.... haha. I always say i will write more often but i always endup thinking it is a big waste of time....siiiigh~
I now have a fairly awesome Korean cell phone which makes me very happy ^^ I was look through the backgrounds and i saw one that is supposed to help koreans practice English by giving them useful phrases in Korean and English. I thought this might be helpful for my Korean so i tried it out...some phrases were kind of normal like... "I'll put you through" " It rained off and on yesterday." SOme were less useful like "He is a meat and potatoes kind of guy" and "I named my cat after my favorite actor" and some are totally off the wall like "I'm hot and bothered."
There are only 30 phrases in the program and they decided to use THAT one??? Needless to say I am going to change my background soon. Current Mood: working
|Wednesday, December 29th, 2010|
|i needed this...
Whenever i feel really sad or i just dont want to do something i listen to this song and everything feels so much better. The music, the words, the music video(sort of) really makes me feel happy and makes me realize that this is just one day out of the rest of my life so i shouldnt worry so much about it. Which is my problem. Too much worrying and not enough living. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW17WAwMcoQ&feature=channel
(i never noticed this before but it looks like Jason Mraz is talking out of the side of his mouth...permanant smirk style, you know? and side mouth talking always reminds me Rachel Ray...what is that the 6 degrees of something?)
I have been feeling a bit on the blue side despite Christmas, skiing, and Taiwan(this weekend! ) I am not sure exactly why but i do have some clues. Work is always up and down and i am just hoping that this new year will bring some better things. mostly it is a work thing....mostly. i hope it goes better next year. Here's hoping~!
Love you all! hope you all had a great christmas and i hope you have a great new year too~!! Current Mood: blank
|Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010|
I think that life is funny sometimes. Now i wish more than ever that i had something that i really loved to do that I could pursue and try to find a job in. THere are many things i like but nothing that really makes a whole lot of money and nothing that i am terribily good at. I know that there are a lot of people tha are doing things they dont really love or even like as thier job and that is what i figured what would happen to me. I suppose that is why i am over here teaching English. Maybe I should have chosen a better job for my personality haha. THere is the helping part that i really enjoy but there is also the constantly being a center of attention and trying to be friendly and outgoing all the time thing too. That is just not me. Why cant i just be the kind of social butterfly people would like me to be so then i can at least be better at my job. I know i shuld be more outgoing and talkative...cultivate good relationships with my students etc...but i am just not a group talker....>.<;
I am a bit fustrated with work at the moment. Teaching is not THAT difficult for me but it is everything else that goes along with it that makes me stressed out. I know that if i were working in a company that i would have troubles and stress but i just dont really know what to do with what i have now. I research, prepare, brainstorm all these differnt things about teaching but it doesnt seem to be helping me.
maybe i should just try to find a job where all i do is sit in a room by myself and er...work on something...
i do find it really interesting that a LOT of my friends are teachers....math, english, art etc.... Current Mood: crappy